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Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Comedy Stylings of Ross Hampton


"KJ" (that stands for Karaoke Jockey to those cretins who don't know) Pam on St. Patty's day at Wanna Be's




Somehow, I think this is a poke at me and Evan at the same time. Comic gold, Gold Jerry, Gold.


Pam, tell me a little bit about how you got started in the karaoke business?

[KJ Pam] Listen jackasz, don't crowd the booth! If you spill your beer on my laptop, you bought it!

OK, how about the most memorable thing that you've seen in your 25 years of KJ-ing?

[KJ Pam] Some a--hole got up here and started singing a rap song and the security guys had to pert-near beat him senseless to throw him out....kind of like what's going to happen to you if you spill that beer!

Karaoke bars seem to attract the, let's call them "less skinny and attractive women". Is that a fair statement, and why is that so?

[KJ Pam] Listen pecker wood, the girls that come in here may not fit in your fancy store-bought chairs, but you put on an Aretha Franklin song and I'll take those fatso...I mean ladies any day! Plus they drink and eat more, which is good for business.

On the same topic, many of the patrons I see here tonight either have a chronic limp or some other deformity. Comment?
[KJ Pam] If I could get off this stool, get around the bar and get to you before I had to play the next song, I would slap you silly!! Lucky for you I turned my ankle last month.

Karaoke seems to be quite popular among Asian cultures. As we have several on our upcoming golf trip, would you like to send a specific message to them before ending the interview?
[KJ Pam] Oh, I would like to say a few things, alright! Don't try coming in here and singing a duet with the KJ and then hanging around at closing time to give her a ride home, bend her over her sink, then drive off without so much as a thank you or good bye!! You know who I'm talking to, you S.O.B!!

Thank you for your candor. To end on a light note, what is your favorite song to hear at a karaoke bar like this?
[KJ Pam] Well, I used to love just about anything by Elton John. But someone told me that he had turned into one of them homeos----can you believe it? They say it's always the ones you least expect!

Pam, I appreciate your time and I look forward to many more years here at Wanna Be's

[KJ] Buddy, if you so much as step foot in here again I will shove this mike where the sun don't shine.

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